Letters from the Onmitsukido
by paperazzi
Summary: What if someone actually enjoyed Soifon's brutal regimen? Soifon finds out exactly how many people know of her clandestine visits to Urahara Shoten. YoruSoi. Oneshot. rated T for safety


Just a little YoruSoi oneshot i thought of. Read and review!

[Disclaimer] I do not own bleach. [/disclaimer]

Genta Hohoro shed his uniform as he reached the barracks, changing into more comfortable evening wear. His body ached from the cuts and bruises and strained muscles he had suffered on this latest day. His training, as usual, had been brutal. It was always hard being a member of the Onmitsukido, especially a lowly unranked soldier. The usual tedium had applied today; an endless stream of drills executed to near flawless perfection, avoiding standing out simply out of the habit to escape the ruthless and unforgiving glare of the Captain, the customary rookie injury when one kid didn't tie his shoes.

_Seriously how do you flash step right out of your own shoes? And right across the spike pit death trap too?_

Their portly lieutenant, Marechiyo Omaeda had sat around eating crackers and sushi and a few division members had produced dice, deciding to set up a craps table in the barracks during their break. The day had, aside from the inane rookie, been the shining standard of an average Onmitsukido day. Genta, however, slid into his bunk ignoring the aches and pains that plagued him, for they plagued him every day. He simply could not rest. The problem today, the thing that kept Genta from relaxing, is that he didn't have his fix. He was an addict, plain and simple. There was little that could keep him from getting what he wanted, and he'd even joined the second division to feed it, pushing his questionable natural agility to its limits to earn rank as an assassin.

Genta Hohoro was a masochist, and with Soifon-Taicho out of commission as she had been lately, he had no sane way to fuel his passion. While others might debate the inherent sanity of enjoying having a psychologically unstable and highly dangerous woman pounding on them, Genta found it exhilarating. The feeling of powerlessness and the rush of adrenaline was like no other when Soifon's iron fist connected with his fragile body.

So Genta sat, oil wick burning nearby and he wrote. While the other division members fell asleep, one by one, and one rookie wept in pain, waiting for his injury report paperwork to be filed by their blundering lieutenant, he wrote. While his body cried out for punishment and he wept, his tears blurring the words, still he wrote.

When the ink went dry and the oil burned out, he folded up the paper, his last few sniffles drowned out by the sound of Omaeda's heavy footfalls patrolling the barrack doors. Genta leapt outside, doing a perfect somersault through the open window. Landing silently behind Omaeda, he ducked past the large man and carried his parcel off into the night.

***

Soifon stretched as she woke her eyes fluttering open slowly and leisurely, her warm body feeling an unfamiliar weight on her shoulder. The sensation was pleasant, and she almost gave in to the comfort before the events of the past night swam into focus in her groggy mind. "GYAAA!"

Yoruichi Shihoin rolled to her left, pinning Soifon beneath her. "Shhh….Soi, I'm trying to sleep."

Soifon grimaced, her face a mask as she felt Yoruichi's face press into her slight bosom. The caramel skinned woman nuzzled her cheek against Soifon's pert breasts, getting comfortable.

"Soifon, you can't have my naked picture!" Yoruichi giggled in her sleep.

"YORUICHI-SAMA!" the petite woman yelled, unable to bear it any longer. "What- Why are you… You must wake up!"

Yoruichi lifted her head, her golden eyes half open, finally awake. Well, sort of.

"Oh, Soifon, there you are! I was looking for you behind the elephant, but Unohana had my chocolate-"

The rest of her words became mumbles and she flopped her head back down, a protracted snore all Soifon was going to get.

Soifon decided she had suffered one indignity too many and lifted Yoruichi up purely with her substantial strength, cradling her and depositing her goddess gently into the bed. As flustered as she felt at the unceremonious wake-up call, she couldn't help but feel a distinct pleasure at the thought that it might just happen again.

Her hands went to her chest and she rubbed her breasts together through her nightshirt, thinking about the wonderful feeling of Yoruichi's soft face pressed between them. It still wasn't too late to-

"Ya know, if you'd done that more when I first met you, I might actually have liked you!"

"GYAAA!" for the second time Soifon jumped at the revelation of an unexpected intruder. She turned to face Kisuke Urahara. The blonde Shinigami was standing in the doorway to Yoruichi's room, his trademark hat covering his long hair, but not the Cheshire grin adorning his features.

"You pervert!" she exclaimed in a fierce whisper, setting her shoulders aggressively. "Is this _your _doing?"

Urahara smiled devilishly, wiping a thin trail of blood from his nose. "I wish. I just came to deliver these. It appears that someone knows you at least as well as Yoruichi does." Kisuke handed her a small package with a letter tied securely to the top. The top was addressed with a hell butterfly stamp and the words printed were "Soifon-Taicho, Yoruichi Shihoin's current address."

Once again, a strangled gasp was all she could manage. "Yoruichi…shihoin's…current address?"

Was the Shinigami mail system really so fickle? She made a mental note to have strong words with Momo Hinamori when she returned to Soul Society. The fifth division was in charge of the Shinigami post and while Aizen was running that ship, this sort of indecency would never have slipped through. Yoruichi was supposed to be hiding from the whole of Seireitei! Who was this who found her so easily? And who in that division knew that "Yoruichi Shihoin's current address" meant Urahara Shoten?

She opened the letter to find it addressed to herself.

_Soifon-Taicho,_

_You probably do not remember me, as I am merely an unseated soldier under your command. But I will inform you the situation here is very grave. Your loyalty is being questioned by some, your motives by others, but I alone know the truth!_

_You have gone away to be with your secret lover, Yoruichi Shihoin, I know it to be true. One day I found cat styled feminine undergarments in the unit laundry. Another time I watched as Omaeda-Fukutaicho installed floor heating in the division barracks and a small cat was watching nearby. Finally, as I was spying on you sleeping, Taicho, looking for inspiration on how to punish myself further, I heard you mumble her name as you slept._

_From these clues, as well as the musings and gossip of the everyone else in the division, I have determined that you two are pursuing a relationship with the love of your life, at your dear unit's expense._

_The drills have been lazy and short, and bathroom breaks frequent. No one has pushed me beyond my physical limits and then mercilessly beaten me to a pulp afterward. Few men spar, if any and group activities have now been changed to fishing and sporting matches._

_Soifon-Taicho, if you truly care about us, if you want us to be abused and maimed as I think, nay I belive you do, then return, and do away with the incompetent who has taken your place! Today, a boy shunpoed out of his shoe and onto the spike pit and that was the day's worst injury. Sad, I know. I long for the sweet touch of your fist on my jawline._

_Enclosed is a small gift to you in your love quest. I hope you can find some use for it. I will keep your secret in earnest Soifon-Taicho, as i await your triumphant and somewhat violent return.  
_

_Genta Hohoro  
_

When she was finished reading, she could do little but stare.

"Wait till you see whats in the package," Urahara said, jerking her from her confusion.

Ignoring the Soifon tentatively opened the wrapping, revealing a small metal device that she had never seen before. Its two ends were connected by a small chain, the looped metal clamps just a half foot or so apart.

"What is this?" Soifon asked in wonder. "Aren't these used by local law enforcement humans? What use could I possibly have for this?"

Kisuke's Cheshire grin looked as if it might become a permanent fixture on his face if left too long.

Soifon ignored his lack of an audible response as his nose began to bleed once more. The contents of the note troubled her. She turned to the only person available at the moment, as distasteful as it was to do so.

Her lips turned into a scowl and her nose crinkled as far as she could move it. She looked away from the perverted shop owner embarrassment obvious in her voice and in her posture. "Is my desire for Yoruichi-sama really that obvious?"

Kisuke responded with a bemused stare. "Painfully."


End file.
